Squidward's Gift of the Magi
by My Animated Imagination
Summary: Squidward wants to get something special for his girlfriend, but money is a little tight at the time. Based on the beloved Christmas story. It's my Christmas story for 2009-2010. Merry Christmas!


Squidward Tentacles walked out of his Easter Island Head, which was now decorated for Christmastime. A few strands of lights here and there, and that was all it took, not that he could afford anything else. He only got a few measly dollars a week from Mr. Krabs, maybe ten if he was lucky, and the inheritance he got from his grandma had just run out, so he was going to go to the bank to empty his savings account. He needed to get a gift for his girl, Crystal Fancyson. He knew it was a tad weird dating his mortal foes cousin, but he could live with it for now. She was just that amazing. He walked toward the Bikini Bottom Bank, lost in his own thoughts.

Crystal Fancyson walked out of her apartment complex in downtown Bikini Bottom. She worked as an apprentice for an artist in town, and didn't make much, but today she was going to go ask for a raise to get a gift for her boyfriend, Squidward Tentacles. She knew it was weird dating her cousin's enemy, but she didn't care. She never liked Squilliam anyway. Actually she never liked Squidward either, until she had broken through his monotonous insults and found his love of culture. She walked down the busy streets of downtown Bikini Bottom until she reached the art studio, which she entered and silently walked down to her desk, waiting for the boss to arrive.

Squidward reached the bank, and walked inside. The line wasn't that long, so he had only a few minutes to wait. When he got to the front, he told them that he wanted to empty his account, which only contained about 100 sand dollars at this point. He slipped the bills into his pocket and quietly walked to the Art Emporium, where he had seen the perfect gift for Crystal a few days earlier. He walked up to the window and gazed through the gold-plated frames and instrument cases until he saw the one. It was a gold frame with several gemstones on the corners, and one of her beautiful paintings would look dazzling in it. He looked from the price on the frame, down to his wallet and sighed. He was going to have to ask Mr. Krabs for a raise.

Crystal finally approached the boss as he walked in the door.

"Uh, sir?" she asked, trying to politely get his attention.

"Yes Ms. Crystal, my shining pupil?" he asked in a French accent.

"Could I have a raise, or Christmas bonus? You know, to get a gift for my boyfriend?" she asked sweetly. The artist pondered this for a moment.

"I'm sorry I have to decline this request Ms. Fancyson. It's just that another of my apprentices asked for a raise before you, and so I gave it to her. I'm sorry Crystal." He said sadly. "Wait! I think I _do _have something for you though!" he shouted, running into his office, and emerging with a wrapped present.

"For you," he said graciously, presenting her the gift. She opened it excitedly.

"It's a- fruitcake?" she said with a false gratefulness.

"Yes, I knew you would love it! No need to thank me, the expression on your face is thanks enough!" he said. "Now go on home, you can have the day off to make up for this little circumstance."

Crystal sadly walked out the door, clutching the lumpy brown brick. She walked down the street to Bikini Bottom's "House of Sounds". She looked in at a stunning jewel encrusted clarinet case. She wished she could get it for Squidward, she just couldn't see how.

Squidward walked into the Krusty Krab, and then into Mr. Krabs's office. He was counting his money, as usual.

"Mr. Krabs, I know it's kind of awkward to say this, but I was wondering if I could have a-" Squidward began.

"No! No raises!" Mr. Krabs interrupted.

"I was actually going to say "Christmas Bonus." Squidward grumbled.

"None of them either!" Mr, Krabs said, still counting his money. "But ye can have the fruitcake on me desk."

Squidward didn't want the fruitcake, so he just left Mr. Krabs's office sadly. There was no way he would be able to get Crystal a present now. He guessed that he could probably borrow money from Spongebob. He looked over to see Spongebob balancing a spatula on his nose, yelling, "I'm doing it Squidward! Look, I'm doing it!". Squidward would rather not take any chances with him. Then, suddenly, he got an idea about how he could get that frame for Crystal. He rushed out the door excitedly.

Crystal walked sadly down the street. How was she ever going to get Squidward a present? Unless Squidward enjoyed brick cakes, then she was sunk. Just then, she had an outstanding idea. She rushed home to get her things. If she hurried, she may be able to get to the music store before they closed!

On Christmas day, when people were giving gifts to each other and spending time with the family, Squidward walked into downtown Bikini Bottom and Crystal's apartment complex. He got her from her room and escorted her down the stairs and to the front door.

"Your chariot awaits, my dear." He said, gesturing outside. Outside, there was a sled with a harness, and in the front, pulling it were none other than Spongebob and Patrick, dressed as reindeer.

"Bark, bark!" Patrick said. Spongebob nudged him.

"Patrick, we're supposed to be reindeer, not dogs!" Spongebob scolded.

"Oh, well then uh, moo!" Patrick said, thinking of another animal.

"Patrick, we're not cows either! It should be like _this!_" Spongebob said, imitating a horse.

"Well that's too horse-like Spongebob. We want the sound of a snowy d-" Patrick started.

"Will you buffoons _please _stop bickering so this ravishing lady here can get in the sleigh!" Squidward exploded. Crystal patted him on the shoulder.

"It's OK Squidward dear, I think it's kind of nice actually." she said.

"It'd be nicer if a few _nincompoops _would stop horsing around and do their jobs!" Squidward spat.

"Calm down Squidward dear, it's Christmas! They may not be cooperating with you, but it was still very sweet!" Crystal said, batting her eyelashes girlishly.

"Oh, I guess so." Said Squidward. "It's just that I want today to be perfect!"

"Oh it will be, but just because I get to spend it with you." She said, kissing him on the cheek. Squidward blushed.

"You're too great!" Squidward said. (Apparently Crystal's kindness was starting to rub off on him!). He took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders, escorting her into the sleigh before sitting next to her.

"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Hopper, and Toadstool! Skipper and Skimmer, and Patchy, and Swabby! So, uh, run away, run away, run away all!" (Clearly, Squidward had no idea what he was talking about.) Spongebob and Patrick started running on all fours, but they weren't going very fast at all. In fact, old man Jenkins sped past them with his walker.

"Uh, Skipper and Swabby, could we go a tad bit faster?" Squidward asked coolly.

"We're already going on all 4 cylinders!" Spongebob panted.

"Yeah, you guys are really heavy! You must have out on a few pounds, Squidward!" Patrick gasped.

"Well you don't eat the most nutritious diet ever! It's pretty unbalanced!" Spongebob agreed.

"Why you little-" Squidward grunted, picking up a jar from the ground beside him. It contained a jellyfish, which he shook up and then unleashed on them. Spongebob and Patrick screamed as the jellyfish buzzed around their faces, zapping them.

"Now, a little speed would be nice!" Squidward grunted, shooting a glance at Crystal, and dangling a Krabby Patty in front of Patrick's face. Patrick perked up, dug his appendages into the ground, and shot forward to reach the Krabby Patty. He carried the sleigh so fast that Spongebob couldn't even touch the ground, he was flung behind the sled and just trailed it, only the harness keeping him attached.

"Woah there Swabby!" Squidward yelled, directing the sleigh and turning down the Downtown Bikini Bottom streets toward Conch Street. (He had a simple method of turning the sleigh. He would move the Krabby Patty slightly to either side, and Patrick would follow.) They raced down streets, flying by houses filled with families celebrating Christmas, and past churches emitting loud sounds of Christmas carols from the congregations.

"Uh, Squidward?" Spongebob asked calmly, tapping Squidward on the shoulder as they flew by the Krusty Krab. They zoomed past Jellyfish fields and Sandy's Treedome.

"Squidward!" Spongebob yelled desperately.

"What could you possibly want Spongebob?" Squidward yelled.

"Conch Street is coming up, how are we going to get Patrick to stop?" Spongebob replied. Unfortunately, Squidward had not seen the one flaw in his plan. He quickly fumbled with the end of the harness that was connected to the sleigh, trying to untie it before the reached their houses. He did this successfully, causing Patrick to run far ahead of the sleigh as it slowed to a stop right in front of Squidward's Easter Island head.

"I hope you had a somewhat pleasant ride m'lady." Squidward said, climbing out of the sleigh, and then assisting Crystal out of it. Crystal laughed sweetly.

"It was actually kind of fun!" she said. Squidward took her tentacle and escorted her toward his house.

"Uh, guys, aren't we forgetting something?" Spongebob yelled. The squids paid no attention whatsoever to him. Squidward and Crystal walked into his house and sat down on the sofa.

"Uh, I have a gift for you." Squidward said awkwardly, pulling out a large, square-sized package.

"I have one for you too." Crystal said, pulling out a rectangular prism shaped package. They exchanged them, and then opened them simultaneously.

"Oh, it's a case," Squidward said. "For my clarinet…"

"Oh, it's a beautiful frame," Crystal said. "For my painting…"

"Crystal, it's wonderful, but I kind of sold my clarinet to get you that frame." Squidward said awkwardly.

"And Squidward, I sort of sold my paintings to get you that case."

"You gave up your wonderful artwork, for me?" Squidward asked.

"It was an easy decision to make. Merry Christmas Squidward!" Crystal said, kissing him.


End file.
